On the Censorship of Art, Part II

Today, I’ll show you two sets of images. The first set is illustrative of places you absolutely should NOT take your children for fear of corrupting their sensitive little minds.

In the second set, I’ll show you the images that were deemed “not suitable” for Marianne’s (not her real name) exhibition.

List #1. Never EVER take your kids to these disgusting places…

These supposedly “cultural meccas” will, in fact, *turn your kids into perfect little PREverts if their little brains don’t explode first.

(*Obviously, I am being satirical. The only reason they would turn into PREverts instead of well-traveled and well-educated adults is if the parents themselves, upon visiting these sites, react hysterically like uneducated PREverts.)

The Museum of Modern Art (MoMA), New York. You might see…

Violence… as in Philip Guston’s “Gladiators” (1940):

Gladiators, 1940 - Philip Guston

Modern implied violence… as in “Gun with Hand, #1” by Vija Celmins (1964):

c a s a f o r t e: Vija Celmins: Gun with Hand (1964)

Maybe even some nudity… as in Philip Pearlstein’s “Two Female Models in the Studio” (1967):

Of course, we all know that the last one above is the worst. Violence is acceptable. But a naked human body is truly a major sin.

El Prado, Madrid. You could see…

Some awful firing squad violence, as in Goya’s “The Third of May, 1808” (1812):

Or, also at the Prado, try explaining this one to the kiddies. It depicts bestiality, cannibalism, torture, rape, orgies, and anything else a depraved imagination could dredge up from the depths of hell. It is called “The Garden of Earthly Delights“, circa 1500, by Hieronymus Bosch. Find a large version online and study the details–it will blow your Puritan mind:

The Louvre, Paris. There is WAY too much to list here. Just avoid the place altogether. In fact, to escape any possible moral contamination, don’t even cast a glance at the building.

And the Pompidou Centre? Even worse–it is filled with modern depravity: naked humans, depictions of injustice, and violence (often thinly disguised within abstract shapes and colors). Definitely turn your back on Perverted Pompidou, for sure. Its subtlety makes it an especially sinister trap.

Florence, Italy. There are naked statues EVERYwhere! Oh, my God! Run away, run away!

Obviously, Michelangelo’s completely nude “David” (1501-1504), with the smallish, yet very obvious, uncircumcised, marble, penis, should be avoided. Male children who see it will surely become compulsive masturbators.

And speaking of masturbators…if you hear that any works by Salvador Dalí are displayed at your selected cultural destination, change your plans immediately. To wit, “The Great Masturbator” (1929), one of his more disgusting works…

And while we are on the subject of things sexual, definitely avoid walking down the street in Spain as you just might pass a pharmacy and see the following poster–a very explicit public service ad about breast cancer.

Now, wait! Take a look at this one very closely. You may actually be able to breathe a sigh of relief and nervously explain it to your children, although it is WAY too suggestive to be found on a poster displayed in public in the USA:

Finally, don’t ever go to a Christian church anywhere with your family. One of the horrible sights you will be subjected to–often prominently displayed right up there at the altar–is a large sculpture or mural of a half-naked man nailed through the hands and feet to a wooden cross, his chest gushing blood from a chest wound, his head and scalp bleeding from multiple severe lacerations caused by a crude crown made of jagged thorns. You certainly ought not subject your little ones to such scary and violent scenes.

Here is a “lite” version (rated PG, as a lot of the blood has been cleaned up by the artist) of what might be on the walls of that church–this one painted by Peter Paul Rubens (1627):

Christ on the Cross - Peter Paul Rubens

Even worse, in a European cathedral, you could also run across one of those horrible martyrdom scenes, perhaps something like this one. It is called “The Martyrdom of Saint Lucy“, painted anonymously sometime around 1500. Holy swords and flames, Batman, talk about CIA torture!

Martirio di Santa Lucia

So, you see, one has to be careful whilst negotiating this minefield of museums, churches, and exhibits that claim to show us “art”. Ideally, we would simply censor all of this stuff. Sanitize things, ya know what I mean.

List #2. Marianne’s offending images…

Now, in contrast, lets take a look at the four images Marianne (not her real name) was asked to remove from her exhibit. (Posted here with permission of the artist.)

What do you think?