The Stress of Life. Barcelona, 2011
…perhaps these are things I would have passed on to my kids had I been a father? Or maybe it is advice I wish I had followed when I was younger? Maybe even some of it is advice that I am trying to follow right now? Or, maybe it’s all of these things?
1) Before the age of 12, learn: a second or third language, how to swim, how to ski or snowboard, how to play a musical instrument, and some basic auto repair–and maybe even some welding and basic carpentry.
2) Take care of your teeth daily–floss and brush.
3) Your family isn’t perfect and your parents aren’t perfect either. They are doing the best they can with the hand they have been dealt. You will do the same with your kids. So, be forgiving. As a parent, if you or your family has had “issues” try your utmost to break the negative cycle with your children, the next generation.
4) You will think that you will always be the age you are now. But, time goes by and you will get older–more quickly than you may believe possible. So, enjoy the present moment and understand that nothing stays the same.
5) Read a lot. The ability to read well is a tremendous indicator of success in all fields. Don’t like it? Try starting with subjects you are absolutely passionate about–fun reading. Then, read to your kids starting when they are in the womb. (And have the TV put to sleep.)
6) Always leave a place or a situation better than you found it–a campsite, a borrowed car, relationships, your neighborhood, your school, your job, etc.
7) Take every possible opportunity to travel to foreign countries. Even better–live overseas or in a different culture for a year. Travel is by far more educational than schooling, assuming you take the time to really immerse yourself in the culture and you aren’t staying in hotels and on the beach.
8) Wear sunscreen.
9) Develop an active lifestyle. Pick something you like that will keep you physically active: walking, hiking, swimming, any outdoor physical sport, working out at the gym, dance, yoga, martial arts, basketball, hockey, cycling…whatever turns your crank. Join a circle of friends who are also active.
10) Understand that the food that goes in your mouth is like gasoline in a car. Put crappy gasoline in your car and it may run OK for a while, but it will eventually gum up. Think about that when you eat and try to make good food choices as often as you can.
11) Karma exists. Do a good deed and it will come back to you in a positive way–maybe not immediately, but it will come back…and often in a very unexpected way. Do something you know is wrong, and it, too, will eventually come back to you in some unexpected and unpleasant way. So, keep it positive!
12) Never do anything out of revenge. Revenge, hate, and bitterness are easy…love, compassion, and forgiveness are much harder and require much greater strength and maturity.
13) Beware of folks who are sure they know all the answers (politics, religion, sports, philosophy, etc.). Reality is very complex and no one has a complete monopoly on the truth. It is OK to be undecided and unsure…investigate many sources…investigate the sources themselves…learn…come to your own conclusions…And…
14) Changing your mind based on new information is not weakness; it is a sign of maturity.
15) All those love songs that say “I am not complete without you” are bull-pockey. It can happen, but it is far better to be as complete and as mature as you can as an individual first–know yourself well–before you commit to a serious relationship (like marriage).
16) Speaking of love…Don’t assume you know who your perfect match might be. Common interests, religion and educational level might be important, but don’t discount things like smell, voice, gesture, and spark when looking for a mate.
17) Respect your partner by being clean. To be a bit gross and very direct: don’t let them find skid marks or pee stains in your drawers!
18) Surround yourself with good people who are headed down the same positive path you would like to follow. You can help each other along the journey and it is more fun with good friends! Strong relationships make life rewarding.
19) Avoid people who are negative, narcissist, sexist, gossipy, and anyone who hurts you either physically or psychologically. They aren’t worth your time.
20) Enjoy life. Take risks–but calculated ones. Make mistakes, learn…But… (see the next point).
21) Don’t do anything early in your life that can’t be easily reversed. For example: get pregnant, get someone pregnant, commit a felony, or develop a habit that is very, very hard to break such as smoking, addictive drugs or heavy drinking. And, by the way, have very frank and open parent-daughter/son conversations (not commands from on high) about these things–it’s much worse to not talk about them.
22) Take responsibility when you are wrong. Promptly admit it.
23) Follow your passions and curiosity (in love, leisure, employment, life), but have a back up plan just in case (especially in the case of employment).
24) Don’t think “Things will be better when…”. Live the present moment! Carpe diem! Notice the air, the sky, the Earth, the animals, and really be with your friends, family and loved ones every day.
25) You will be most content with Life when you are giving of yourself–of your time, your friendship, your talent, and of your material success. Find a way to help those less fortunate than you.
[Additional important thought, re #21 above: Addictions of all kinds, acting out agressively, being rebelious, excessive emotional reactions/temper, and so on are often (not always–but OFTEN) coverups for some underlying issue such as physical, sexual, and/or emotional/psychological abuse. Most of our families are far from perfect. Before the troublesome behavior in question can be fixed, the damage caused by the abuse–the PTSD, basically–has to be healed as much as possible. This can be a long and very difficult process. The first step is recognizing the trauma. Each generation should try its level best to heal these traumas and behaviors and not pass them on to the next generation.]
I never was a father…never had my own kids. If I had a second life, I would certainly try my hand at that most difficult of challenges: parenthood.
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